TLV Inbox

[weaponuser]

[Leave a message at the beep.]

Comments

[weaponuser]

She... she thinks I'm a person who did something terrible, but I'm trying to make up for it. She thinks I can improve. She wants to help.

[chaos_drifter]

What stops you from agreeing with her? Does she have a different definition of making up for it or improving than you do?

[weaponuser]

I do agree with her, I just... I guess I'm adjusting to seeing myself as someone who can be redeemed, still.

[chaos_drifter]

It takes time. [It takes time to adjust to any new view of yourself.]

What would being redeemed look like to you?

[weaponuser]

I... I don't know. Maybe that's what's holding me back. I know what the concept means, but what it would be like to be that? No idea.

[chaos_drifter]

Reaching a destination is difficult if you have no idea where the destination is.

What do you think it means in your situation?

[weaponuser]

It means... I think it means being a better person, but aside from not killing people, I don't know what that is.

[chaos_drifter]

I think part of it is remembering how to be you.

[weaponuser]

That's a prospect. There's... there's a lot piled up on top of whoever I am, at this point.

[chaos_drifter]

What feels like the easiest thing to take off of the pile?

[weaponuser]

Uhhh. [He has to think about it. The whole thing feels like if he tries to take the wrong thing off, everything will fall apart.] My job? I guess?

[chaos_drifter]

Does anything about your job feel like it matches who you want to be?

[weaponuser]

It... [He realizes he might have created an ambiguity he didn't intend.] Do you mean my job here or back home? Because I meant my job at home. Which doesn't.

[chaos_drifter]

Both.

[weaponuser]

Like I said, back home, no. What I do here? Some, I think. I like making things and working on technological problems.

[chaos_drifter]

How does it feel to use those skills differently than how you were using them back home?

[weaponuser]

I'm working on my own projects, not for something I've been told to do. It feels better. More... more me, I guess.

[chaos_drifter]

What kinds of projects are you working on?

[weaponuser]

The map, mostly. Also just fiddling with circuits. Trying to find more efficient ways of making things work.

[chaos_drifter]

That sounds useful. You still have things to work on, but what you do here is helping people and it feels like it matches who you are.

[weaponuser]

I want to help people. I like doing it.